SHY CHILDREN

“If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.” - Dorothy Law Nolte

The fact is people are not born shy; there really is no shyness gene. It can
emerge, however, at about the age of two. That’s when children start becoming
aware of themselves as distinct from their parents or siblings. They develop a
sense of self.

Some babies are just more sensitive than others to different stimuli and
can become very distressed whenever they feel overwhelmed. This can happen
when there are a lot of unfamiliar people around them, or unfamiliar surroundings
or even objects they don’t recognize. For many babies, loud noises are shocking
enough to make them cry, since they don’t understand what the noise is or what
it means to them.

Jerome Kagan from Harvard University has research that shows the
physiological differences between sociable and shy babies can show up as early
as two months. He also discovered that fifteen to twenty percent of newborns will
probably be quiet and restrained in unfamiliar situations. Babies show the
difference in their heart rates, jerky movements of their arms and legs, and
excessive crying. Timid babies also showed more brain wave activity in the right
frontal lobe, as opposed to normally reactive children who show more left side
activity.

At the root of all shyness is fear and babies are born with only two fearsthe
fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Every other fear is learned as they
grow. Fortunately, anything that can be learned can also be unlearned.

Shyness sometimes starts with the family, resulting in a fear of the parents
or fear from a parent. Parents and teachers need to understand too, that children
are molded by the approval or disapproval from these authority figures. Too
much disapproval and your child could develop self-esteem issues. You certainly
don’t want your child to grow up afraid and incapable of handling the world. You
want them to be able to think for themselves and make good choices. Making
them shy through too much disapproval causes difficulties for them in their future
dealings with others.

Experts have discovered that children who attend day-care facilities tend
to be less shy than those who stay at home. That’s because the day-care child is
exposed to different experiences with the other children and the day-care staff.
This leads to earlier development of communications skills.

Shy children tend to be the targets of bullies at school, due to this highly
sensitive nature. They embarrass easily and cry at the drop of a hat. Bullies are
drawn to this type and delight in tormenting them.

Philip Zimbardo of Stanford University has come to the conclusion that shy
adolescents feel more peer pressure when it comes to drinking and using drugs
than their less shy counterparts. They feel a pressure to fit in, to be accepted,
and will use anything in their power to achieve that.

As they grow older, the tendency to self-blame and extreme selfconsciousness
grows as well. This is the beginning of social shyness and avoidance, which
if left unchecked, can quickly become social anxiety. Jerome Kagan has
research that shows that shyness in adults could often be traced as far
back as the age of three. While shyness does not have a biological basis in all
people, Kagan’s studies show only about one third of these inhibited children
seemed to have a genetic predisposition to shyness.